


The Long Way Home

by AoSCrackWhore



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Bus Kids - Freeform, Daisy & Robbie brotp, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, QuakeRider brotp, Some angst, shipper trash Daisy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 20:14:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8636680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AoSCrackWhore/pseuds/AoSCrackWhore
Summary: When Daisy and Robbie get stuck in L.A. traffic, she gets a chance to tell him the tale of FitzSimmons, Fools in Love





	

“Oh, _come on_!” Daisy yelled as a car on their left tried to squeeze in between the Hell Charger and the car in front of it. “Seriously!? Isn’t this car menacing _enough_? You wouldn’t be trying that if you knew who’s in this car, bucko.”

 

“Chill, chica,” Robbie smiled, “this is what L.A.’s like, you know that, this ain’t your first rodeo. Or did them decked-out SHIELD planes spoil you?”

 

Daisy gave him her best side-eye. “I’d like to see you be able to basically _fly_ and then be cool with sitting in traffic for… _What!? Forty minutes now?_ How do people in this town get _anything_ done!?”

 

Robbie just shook his head, biting his lip to contain his smile, and stared out the window on his side. Daisy got distracted for a minute, seemingly swiping all over the place on her phone, but she was still shifting in her seat, so he knew she had more ranting left in her, he was just waiting for the trigger. A loud horn came from behind and that did it. Her head snapped up, and before he knew it, she was bodily crawling through the open window on the passenger side and preparing to extend her arm towards the offending driver, but he caught her ankle in time and beckoned her gently back in. She pretended to kick and grumble, but he knew she didn’t have much actual fight left in her that day. It had been a long night of chasing down Watchdogs.

 

“What? I wasn’t going to flip him _over_ , I was just gonna flip him _off_.”

 

“Sit your antsy ass down, morena, drawing attention to ourselves is the last thing we need right now.”

 

Daisy leant her elbow on the side of the door and started absentmindedly gnawing at her knuckles. “I know, I know. This is just such bullshit,” she said in a low voice.

 

“Yeah,” Robbie said, staring ahead at the gridlocked traffic himself. The row of cars would move a few inches only to lurch to a halt once again in the merciless morning sun, doubling down on their exhaustion.

 

“God, it’s gonna take longer for us to get to my van than it took FitzSimmons to hook up!”

 

“What?” Robbie asked, amused, turning towards her. Then, after a beat, “Wait, who?”

 

“FitzSimmons. They’re my friends, never mind.”

 

“Wait, it’s not just one dude?”

 

“No, it’s Fitz _and_ Simmons, actually, two people, but they might as well be one person, hence the nickname… mashup… thing. I don’t know what it’s called.”

 

“So, I gather these FitzSimmons people are a couple?”

 

“Yeah, oh my god, you wouldn’t believe it, it took them _forever_ , it was torture. They were best friends for over _ten freaking years_ and finally, _finally_.

 

“ _Damn_ ,” Robbie said.

 

“Yeah, I know! I swear, sometimes I wanted to mush their pretty little British faces together and just _end the_ _agony_.”

 

“Oh, they’re British? That could explain a lot, actually,” Robbie chuckled.

 

“I’m pretty sure they have sex in Britain, Double-R. No, this was some next level obliviousness shit, like, off the charts. They’re pretty dumb for a couple of geniuses.”

 

“Geniuses, eh? Wow, you really had select company there, working for the suits. I mean, I’m assuming this is SHIELD people you’re talking about.”

 

“Oh, yeah. I _clearly_ don’t just _randomly_ hang out with geniuses,” Daisy couldn’t help but sass, throwing him a teasing look. Robbie smiled.

 

“So, what’s this epic love story of theirs?” Robbie asked, hoping to maintain this good mood that seemed to be washing over his fellow vigilante.

 

“Urghhhh… It hurts to even talk about! _So_. They were child prodigies, same age, got picked up at 16 and brought to this SHIELD Hogwarts place _clearly_ to mate and make super genius babies with an accent… Wait, what accent will they raise the babies with…” Daisy trailed off.

 

“Huh?” Robbie said, puzzled.

 

“Oh, Fitz is Scottish, Jemma… _Simmons_ is from some place called Sheffield, which I’ve been explained _at length_ are two _different_ _places_. Anyway, where were we? So, they’re at SHIELD Academy, right? And Jemma has a low-key crush on him, he has a low-key crush on her, but he’s so shy, he won’t even speak to her, and _she_ ends up thinking he hates her guts. Thankfully, the nerd gods intervene and pair them up for chem lab or whatever, brainy sparks fly, and they become joined at hip, but not at pelvis, somehow. Anyway, Jemma, the horndog that she is, has casual hookups, but Fitz doesn’t date, like, _at all,_ and he apparently has no idea why at this point, like it doesn’t even _occur_ to him. Like, they say they sorta had crushes on each other, but didn’t realize it. Like, how is that even _possible_?”

 

“Wow,” Robbie says.

 

“I know! And, like, ten years go by of them being with each other every hour of every day. They become science superstars, Coulson picks them up for his team, and that’s how I met them, on The Bus.”

 

“Wait, on a bus!?”

 

“No, not an actual bus, it’s what we called our old plane.”

 

“Oh, well, then, _excuse_ me, Miss Fancypants.”

 

Daisy swats his shoulder and he shrugs, laughing.

 

“Okay, okay, and?”

 

“ _And_ it’s obvious to everyone that’s ever met them that they’re basically a single entity, _but_ the two of them. I even thought Fitz was hitting on _me_ there for a while, but then other random women would show up, and I realized he just doesn’t know how to behave around strange women. I think he’s still afraid of May, but to be fair, who isn’t? So, anyway, then the virus incident happened.”

 

“The _virus incident_?” Robbie’s eyes go wide.

 

“Yeah, worst day of my life and on the job at that point. And I haven’t had the easiest life, mind you.”

 

“I might have you beat on that front, but please continue.”

 

“ _Anyway_ … We’re on this mission in the middle of Nowhere, Pennsylvania, when Simmons contracts this freak alien virus that, like, makes your hair all frizzy, but also kills you with the electricity from it…”

 

“Wait, that can’t be right. Also, aliens?”

 

“Yeah, well, I’m oversimplifying, they’re the geniuses, I’m just a high school drop out.”

 

“Bring it here,” Robbie says and fist bumps her.

 

“Wow, okay, great thing to bond over, good life lesson, kids! Anyway, back to the story. So, we’re on the plane when we realize she’s sick, like real scary sick, and we’re all freaking out, but Fitz makes awesome gadgets, and she does stuff with goo, so they’re bound to figure something out, right? So, we have Simmons quarantined in the lab, and we’re all on the outside of it basically sobbing, and FitzSimmons are fighting, but then they have an ‘aha’ moment, and before we know it, Fitz is breaking into the lab and they make a cure. But they think it doesn’t work, so Simmons whacks Fitz on the back of the head with a freaking fire extinguisher - _hashtag baller, amirite?_ \- and fucking jumps off the… fucking plane!”

 

Robbie’s face having gone on an entire journey of surprise, dismay and confusion, exclaims “No way!”

 

“Oh, yeah.”

 

“Wait, why?”

 

“Oh, if she fritzed out, she could’ve blown the plane up with all of us in it, or at least infected us all. And we were over the ocean. I don’t think I mentioned that. Did I mention that?”

 

“Okay, now it makes more sense. Only a little, though.”

 

“Yeah… So she’s jumping off the plane, right? But the cure _works_ and Fitz is putting on a parachute to jump after her, but this _doucheface_ I kinda sorta dated for a while that we used to work with took it from him and jumped after her and gave her the cure thingy and saved her, but he turned out to be basically the source of all the pain in our lives for, like, two years and I hope he rests in fucking pieces, but never mind him right now, he doesn’t matter until later. So, she’s saved, we’re all saved, and Fitz starts realizing, ‘holy shit, I totally have the hots for my best friend/coworker, what the fuck do I do now!?’”

 

“Whoa,” Robbie said.

 

“ _I know_. So, time goes by, dumbass doesn’t do anything, just keeps pining and sulking all over the plane, giving his sweet little heart fucking _hernia_. Meanwhile, a shitload of stuff happens, Douchey McDoucheface from earlier turns out to be Hydra, puts them in a box I’d kinda died in a little bit a few months prior, and throws them off The Bus.”

 

“Okay, now that _definitely_ escalated quickly.”

 

“I’m giving you the tl;dr version because the real shit is yet to come. So, they’re in a metal box-like thing on the bottom of the freaking ocean, and it probably would’ve been their grave if they weren’t such brainiacs, but I don’t even wanna think about that. So, while they’re there, Fitz realizes they’re gonna run out of air soon, so he finally confesses to her, but she’s freaked out, so she kinda awkwardly kisses his face all over or something? I don’t know, she explained it to me, but for some reason I can’t really picture it. Anyway, they blow the box up and get out, but Fitz gave her all the oxygen and basically told her to leave him behind, like she ever would. So she pulls him out to the surface, but he gets brain trauma from the not breathing for a while, he was in a coma for a week and a half, it was awful.”

 

“ _Daaaamn_ , it did get worse, you were right. _And_? Don’t leave me hanging here.”

 

“Wasn’t gonna, keep your pants on. Dude, it was _the worst_. He couldn’t remember words, one side of his body wasn’t working right, depressed as fuck because he thought Jemma’d rejected him… And it was so heartbreaking to watch, her being so earnest, trying to help him, but him being so frustrated… So she took an assignment away from the base and was gone for, like, months. Fitz fucking _fell apart_. I didn’t even know what to say to him, I’d go into the lab and I’d have to get out because I’d start crying. Then she came back, but then they started fighting, and a lot of other mess happened, I went through my transformation… So, cliffsnotes, my mother is on the warpath against SHIELD, I’m being held hostage, full-on war is about to break out, and it’s then that Timing Queen Jemma Simmons decides she’ll tell him she wants the D, basically. Then my dad had to kill my mom because she tried to kill _me_ …”

 

“Whoa, whoa, what!? Are you serious?” Robbie stared at her, disbelieving.

 

“Oh, hells yeah, I told you my life was intense.”

 

“Dude, before this, I thought _my life_ was intense. Jesus.” Robbie seemed like he had forgotten how to blink.

 

“Well, it is what it is. That’s not the story I was telling, though. I can’t dredge that shit up right now, if you don’t mind.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, no worries, continue.”

 

“Anyway, stuff calms down a bit, and Fitz finally asks Simmons out, and she says yes, but then this Kree asshole of a stone liquefies and pulls Simmons off to another planet…”

 

“Okay, now you’re just yanking my chain.”

 

“Am not, full and honest truth. And that’s rich coming from a zombie grillhead.”

 

“How about you stick to the quaking, and I’ll stick to the sick burns, yeah?” Robbie says with a laugh.

 

“Ohohohooo are we a bit sensitive about our undead status?” Daisy says in a baby voice.

 

“Stop that, it’s disturbing. You were saying something about another planet?”

 

“Oh, yeah, and she, like, survived there for six months in basically _a desert_ without _a sun_.”

 

“Damn. This friend of yours really is baller.”

 

“She really is. But you know what kind of a shit sandwich life serves her?”

 

“What?”

 

“There’s a fucking _astronaut_ living there on the planet, Hydra’d sent him through, and she shacks up with him because she thinks she’ll never see Fitz again.”

 

“ _Nooo_ ,” Robbie says.

 

“Yeah, I know. And Fitz is over here, like, basically killing himself to get her back.”

 

“ _Fuck_.”

 

“Yeah, pretty much. But we got her back! I helped.”

 

“I bet you did,” Robbie chuckles.

 

“Don’t you dare mock me, I _literally_ shed blood for that relationship.”

 

“But it ended up being worth it, right?”

 

“Yes, thank Vishnu. There was this whole thing of her telling him about the other guy and him going to the planet trying to save him…”

 

“Damn, this guy could probably kiss me right on the flaming skull and not get burned.”

 

“Oh, he is the purest. He did bring back a world-ending squid monster in the dead body of my former… whatever, the guy who dumped them off the plane…”

 

“Okay, now you’re messing with me. I can’t even follow that, you’re bullshitting me,” Robbie was doubling over in his seat as they were progressing mere inches on the road.

 

“I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. How do you think I ended up so messed up?”

 

“Fair point. You win the crazy life award between the two of us.”

 

“Thanks… _I think_ ,” Daisy said, eyeing him suspiciously.

 

“So, there was a happy ending?”

 

“Yeah, for them at least. I sorta choked Fitz out in Bucharest when I was on Inhuman parasite drugs, and apparently Mr. Tentacle Porn did some sort of ex-boyfriend voodoo on Jemma and shook her up pretty bad, but then it turns out they went back to the hotel and banged, so I guess…”

 

“Hahaha I’m not even trying to process the stuff you’re saying anymore.”

 

“Suit yourself, you can ask any of them, they’ll confirm everything.”

 

“Yeah, right, whatever. And then?”

 

“And then my boyfriend got blown up in space alongside Squidward the Turd from earlier, FitzSimmons lived happily ever after, and that’s how I ended up here,” Daisy said.

 

They sat in silence for a while with their eyes trained on the road in front of them, Robbie switching between chuckling to himself and giving her questioning side glances.

 

“So… yeah,” Daisy said after a while, distant.

 

Robbie turned in his seat a bit to look at her earnestly. “Hey, even if what you spun right now wasn’t the literal truth, I’m glad you told me. I’m not gonna bust your balls ever again.”

 

Daisy looked back at him, but tears were threatening at the corners of her eyes, so she closed them and turned away to gaze out the window. The row of cars started moving, but their mouths couldn’t. They sat there silently for a while, the air heavy with the heat and the past. Sometime later, Robbie decided it was time to break them out of their funk.

 

“So, you think you earned godmother privileges?” he asked her.

 

“Oh, I better.”

 

“What’re you gonna name their kids, do you think?”

 

“Dummy and Slowpoke,” Daisy quipped, and Robbie started laughing and shaking his head.

 

“When, one thing’s for sure, you’re not naming any kids of mine.”

 

“I’m pretty sure you’re shooting blanks, dead-o.” Daisy’s eyebrows shot up, realizing what she’d just said, but she saw from the corner of her eye that he was grinning, so she kept teasing. “Quick question, Burning Man. What happens to your dick when you flame out?”

 

“Oh, you’re in trouble now, Xenu,” Robbie shot back and turned a corner a bit too sharply just to jostle her.

 

“Okay, now _that_ was totally uncalled for,” Daisy said and quake-tickled him, a sly smile on her face once again.


End file.
